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Joke of the Day

"Watched the movie Gravity tonight. Didn't see as much gravity as I expected. Two thumbs down based on that."

"You have a dime in one hand and a nickel in the other. What are you? Broke."

"you know what people said about paul daniels funeral..... you know what people said about paul daniels funeral ""i liked it but not a lot"""

"Its such a beautiful day to stay inside and tweet about what a beautiful day it is out there."

"My head is so big... When a girl sits on my face, she has room for the remote and a snack."

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."

"My friend asked me if I wanted to walk down a hill with him. I declined."

"I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, ""Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"", but she did."

"Q:How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A:Kick his sister in the jaw!!"

"TIL I'm hung like a baby. 7 lbs. 9 oz."