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Joke of the Day

"Maybe the Pope just wants to finally get married. Or settle down with a couple of kids."

"You mother is such a whore . . . she was hired on the spot at Pillsbury for her extensive yeast collection!"

"Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching."

"How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just the two... but it takes a whole dedicated team at emergency to remove it."

"Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe that's why I'm putting this salad in my pockets, you don't know me."

"Really Smooth. I lied told my dad that school was canceled. He said,"" lets go see a movie."" We got in the car and he dropped me off at school."

"What do you call a black, seafaring plunderer? Pirate. Unless you're a clever racist, then you might've said ""nigarrr""."

"If you're gonna by me a drink..... You better at least push my stool in!"

"TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Son: Dad I'm fucking serious! Dad: well I'm fucking your mother."