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Joke of the Day

"My friend Dave drowned yesterday his funeral is on Wednesday. I've made him a wreath in the shape of a buoyancy aid. It's what he would have wanted."

"Just made eye contact with a truck driver while eating a corn dog at a convenience store and now I hate everything."

"Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid? He was told not to play with his food."

"The list of things I hate the most is -Hate -Lists -Irony -Cheap jokes stolen from the internet -Irony -Repetition -Did I mention irony?"

"I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers... but I Kant."

"What do you call someone who majors in geology and astronomy A rockstar"

"Forget about whether or not you have curves, real women have brains."

"My yard is full of bear traps cos I'm a bit weird about sharing milkshake."

"Me: Are these your kids? Boss: ""Yep"" They're gorgeous! ""Thanks"" Step kids? ""Nope"" Adopted? ""No.."" .. "".."" She's cheating on you.. ""Get out"""

"How do you find out if the cat is dead or alive in the Schrodinger's cat paradox? By thinking outside the box"