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Joke of the Day

"A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe occasionally tips"

"I'm getting tired of having to write ""Sent from my iPhone"" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone."

"My business is awkward smiles and poorly executed high-fives, and business is good."

"A shopping mall. Drake walks past a man dressed as Santa, who yells out, ""Ho! Ho! Ho!"" ""Yeah,"" Drake sighs as he keeps walking. ""She was."""

"What do you call a zoo enclosure without any change? A nickeless cage."

"On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day, Carol. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday."

"I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial."

"Two black men jumped off the building. Who reached the ground first? Noone cares."

"If your name is Susan, I surmise you're lazy. If your name is Tom, I posit you're a peeper. If your name is Jason, I automatically assume... YOU'RE A CUNT!!! NO! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU, JASON!!!"