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Joke of the Day

"What should you do if you find a witch in your bed? Run!"

"*pulls away from kissing, stares intently into his eyes Your eyes are like pools of melted chocolate Him: U started your diet, didn't u"

"A guy walks into a restaurant with his friend. The server ask what he wants to drink and he say H2O. His friend says he will have H2O to. His friend is no longer alive."

"I hate it when someone asks you for directions and you can't remember a street name so you have to strangle them behind the gas station."

"Things that have occurred in history since the Chicago Cubs last won a World Series... I had an ice cream cone. That I dripped all over myself."

"Two blonds walk into a bar... ...you think one of them would have noticed"

"Spidy nonsense Sometimes I feel like spider man. Once I had Gwen Stacy, now I just have Mary Jane."

"The kids of today have no respect. They're rude, lazy and swear to make themselves look big and coolnnNothing at all like us..."

"If Oliver Stone is being a stone and Michael Bay is being a bay, then what is Anthony Weiner being? Bullied"

"It doesn't take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad."