208443

Joke of the Day

"*pulls away from kissing, stares intently into his eyes Your eyes are like pools of melted chocolate Him: U started your diet, didn't u"

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"What comes after 69?... Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!"

"People that keep their chin up probably don't find as much change as I do."

"One time John Waters spilled water on me and my mom said ""thank god his name isn't John Barbecue Sauce!"""

"Son, I found some drugs in your backpack ""Dad I swear they're not mine"" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it"

"Bruce Willis: I hate when people talk during movies, I never do it Director: Yes but we're filming the movie now, do you see the difference"

"Q: What's the best pickup line to use in a gay bar? A: May I push in your stool?"

"Accidentally went to Rouge One instead of Rogue One. Boy is my face red."

"If we paid teachers more, they'd probably stop dating their students. At this point, a 16 year old working at Quiznos doubles their income."