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Joke of the Day

"I went to the zoo the other day There was only a single animal, it was a dog. It was a shih tzu..."

"tomorrow is national microphone day... check 12/12/12"

"What do you call a treehouse full of women you despise? A country."

"There are two things that I will never get... There are two things that I will never get - why women can't stay in the kitchen and a girlfriend."

"When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body. Thankfully, it all changed when I was born."

"Uma Thurman's eyes are so wide apart...... she can accurately measure the distance to the moon using parallax."

"What do a plumber and a walrus both enjoy? A nice tight seal"

"I like my men like I like my grapes Black and twenty at a time"

"How Many Hillary Supporters Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? Why NONE of course, they prefer to remain in the dark!"

"I got caught masturbating by the fedex guy I shouldn't have answered the door, but you gotta sign for that shit or wait til he comes again."