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Joke of the Day

"There are two things that I will never get... There are two things that I will never get - why women can't stay in the kitchen and a girlfriend."

"Why did the farmer screw their sheep on a cliff? They push back harder. (Told to me by my NZ step father about Australians, of course.)"

"Whats the difference between a lesbian and a wheat-thin? Ones a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker."

"Me: Hello, my name is Vikki and I'm an alcoholic. Operator: Ma'am, this is AAA. Me: I know. I'm an alcoholic and now my car is in a ditch."

"The tenth of October is the only day of the year that I would recommend 10/10"

"Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken..."

"Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future."

"Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You're Welcome.."

"How to pick up a girl in a club: 1. Stare at her 2. Walk up to her 3. Shout stuff"

"""What do we want?!"" ""TIME TRAVEL!"" ""When do we want it?!"" ""IRRELEVANT!"""