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Joke of the Day

"So psyched! My 1st granddaughter born today: 6lb11oz! Which is not the name I'd have chosen, but I guess I need to keep up with the times."

"Sometimes I accidentally make eye contact with someone and it's like ""well I better just go with it"" and I begin sprinting at them"

"I like my coffee like I like my ships. Full of semen."

"Cop: ""Can you describe the person who robbed you?"" Me: ""He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"""

"How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT LADDER!"

"I remember the last thing my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?"

"A man goes into a bar And that's where he stayed for most of my childhood."

"Why is pound cake called pound cake? Because it pounds your anus!"

"Why shouldn't you date a tennis player? Love means nothing to them."

"Q: What do you do with a green monster? A: Wait until it ripens."