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Joke of the Day
"Making Snacks by San Widge"
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"Nothing more uncomfortable than a girl with a lazy eye looking up at you while giving you head."
"Anyone remember this from the Austin Powers commercial? ""If you see one movie this summer... see Starwars... but if you see two movies see Austin Powers...."""
"Those tiny bottles at the liquor store aren't free samples. I know that now."
"Knock knock. Who's there? Mormons."
"What do you call an assault which is both positive and negative? A battery."
"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"
"Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, ""is that short for Jimberly?"" and I have few friends in real life."
"I want to open i pizza place called Original Pizza, so that way if anybody asks if we deliver... yes, OP delivers."
"Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither."