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Joke of the Day
"Being clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store."
Next Joke
"Happy anniversary to the love of my life.. and her husband Jonathan."
"My Animal Science dissertation ""Are Hippos Just Girl Rhinoceroses?"" met with a healthy dose of scientific skepticism WHICH I WELCOME."
"I ordered the Club Salad for lunch.. I asked waitress ""What all comes in the club salad?"" She said ""Lettuce, turnip, the beat"""
"What is a ducks favorite snack? Quackers."
"Always note whether a politician is wearing a lapel pin of a flag, as they are the only way to display patriotism."
"*Pays bills* *Bank turns off debit card for suspicious activity*"
"What's long and smells like shit? The unemployment line."
"They ran out of bread at the Indian restaurant, but it turned out nobody cared. It was a naan issue."
"My wife said, ""Why are you always pushing me around and talking behind my back?"" I said, ""well, you are in a wheelchair""."