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Joke of the Day

"Today a man came to my door asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"If the opposite of Pro is Con... What's the opposite of Progress?"

"What does a guy with a big dick have for breakfast? I figured you wouldn't know"

"How was the bear able to move in order to get honey? It had muscles."

"If men have man caves, why dont women have woman caves? They do, we just universally named it the kitchen many years ago."

"Why was the Jewish man so defensive about his beer? Because Hebrewed it."

"The Black Eyed Peas are to music what actual black-eyed peas are to music."

"[in a meeting] ok a Dracula movie except he's new in town and biting is illegal but he befriends the pastors daught- ""that's just Footloose"""

"Fortune Teller: I see a trip in your future Me [cancelling a week-long trip to Peru]: haha nope. wrong, idiot. [fall down stairs as I leave]"

"Just watched a woman put on her sunglasses before walking into a restaurant, in case you wondered what living in LA is like."