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Joke of the Day

"I pretend I'm on the phone when entering a barbershop & say ""I stabbed him only cause I hate small talk "" so he doesn't try to talk to me."

"How do you know if someone's a vegan? When you ask them ""Are you a vegan?"" and they say ""Yes""."

"Why do Democrats push for more gun control? Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot."

"4 women were working quietly on a project that's it"

"Ddi Humpty Dumpty have a good winter? No, but he had a great Fall."

"customer: *looking at menu* what's good? me: not much what's good with you? him: ... him: ... me: chicken salad. the chicken salad is good."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? [nsfw] I don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it. (Although they're terrible I can't help but to love dead baby jokes)"

"[Hospital front desk] ""Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-"" *wife hits me* ""Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"""

"Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11? They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains."

"What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!"