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Joke of the Day

"customer: *looking at menu* what's good? me: not much what's good with you? him: ... him: ... me: chicken salad. the chicken salad is good."

"I put the ____ in a much larger segment of _____________________."

"What do you call cheese that is not your own? Nacho cheese"

"Me: Excited for the dance? 13yo: No, because you and mom will be there. Me: But I've been workin on my twerkin! 13yo: I need new parents."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted"

"I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. What high hopes you have !"

"What is the definision of mixed feelings? When your wife says that you have the largest in your street."

"I imagine the hardest part of becoming a supervillain is getting your doctorate."

"29 months? Yeah, no, I meant how old is your kid in HOURS."

"Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner. Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him tomorrow."