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Joke of the Day
"This stray cat on my balcony is looking at me like I'm invading its privacy."
Next Joke
"I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?"
"How many ants does it take to own an apartment? 10 . It requires tenants to own an apartment."
"I'm addicted to brake fluid... ....but I can stop whenever I want."
"Why did Waldo wear stripes? [I wouldn't know. Ask these guys.](http://imgur.com/yTGbPI0)"
"What does an apple and an apple tree have in common? They both don't drive tractors."
"If my iPod doesn't work in the next few minutes, I'm throwing it in the river. It can either sync or swim."
"And the Lord said to John, 'Come forth, and you will receive eternal life' But John came fifth, and won a toaster."
"Why is Santa Claus always so happy? He knows where all the bad girls live"
"I get 9"" in bed every night. That's how much mattress is left for me once the dogs get comfortable."