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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said to John, 'Come forth, and you will receive eternal life' But John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth. Because I don't like playing baseball with girls."

"So Boxing Day, its a magical time of year, when companies send you amazing emails with pictures of all the stuff you just brought from them, at half price."

"Why are farmers so wealthy? Because their stalks are always growing."

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he is married."

"Capitalization can really change a sentence. For example: I love to eat candy. I love to eat capitalization."

"I was going to tell you a joke about women's rights... ...But it would have been too funny"

"What do you call a senior lady on her period A Ragtime Gal"

"I love my kids like I love my flour... Self-raising."

"Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator."