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Joke of the Day
"Oh thank God (what I think every time I enter an public restroom that's empty)"
Next Joke
"It's hard to eat pizza and feel angry at the same time."
"""Will you please stop chasing heavy women?"" ""I am not chasing them...they just happen to land on me and I cant get up."""
"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"
"Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for."
"What kid blows you and gets you all wet? El Nino"
"I got breast removal surgery... Sorry I had to get that of my chest"
"I can see myself going up in the world... The mirror in the elevator is pretty shiny."
"Trump: The less immigrants we bring in the better' .... .... .... ..... Pence: The fewer' .... .... .... Trump: I told you not to call me that yet'"
"Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I've decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand She'll love it"