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Joke of the Day

"It's hard to eat pizza and feel angry at the same time."

"Man it would suck if I died on this plane mostly because of some unused gift cards I was waiting for ""the right time"" to use."

"My ears were ringing, so I pressed keys on the piano to find out what note it was. There was a B buzzing in my ears."

"For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up."

"Life was dangerous when I was young. We answered the phone never knowing who was on the other end."

"Priests, TV personalities and now MPs guilty of bum fidderling no wonder us children of the 70/80s bang on about playing outside all day...who the f*ck would have wanted to go indoors"

"This gym has a very strict rule no denim jeans or jorts. But if you're 300 lbs of muscle & attitude, apparently it's merely a suggestion."

"I poured my root beer into a square cup Now I've just got beer."

"Why did it take so long for Americans to beat Germany in WW2? They weren't Russian."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer this morning... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!"