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Joke of the Day

"My favorite thing to do when my grandkids visit is to bake a big batch of fresh cookies. Then I eat them all by myself. Screw those kids."

"The best part of waking up is when you say ""fuck it"" and go back to sleep."

"The White House Correspondents' Dinner is ... just a big political party."

"It is odd, isn't it, that to get rid of penis enhancement emails .. .. I have to send them to the Junk box."

"I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential."

"A dog is ironing shirts and cursing under it's breath: ""What a fool I was! Bring me the slippers, my ass!""."

"I listen to your prayers, but only to correct their grammar."

"Every girl on Tumblr smells like Chapstick and cats."

"TIFU while trying to write a joke Ok so it wasn't today, it was 10 years ago."

"YOU'LL GO BLIND When we were young teens, we were told not to masturbate or you'll go blind. I always thought that was a joke until I heard about what happened to Bill Cosby"