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Joke of the Day

"I just found a quarter in the vending machine, if anyone is looking for a sugar mama."

"Me: This is a beautiful flower arrangement Host: That's a salad."

"son let me tell you about the birds and the bees... I left a window opened and they flew in and now I'm scared to go in that room"

"Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon. Twelvehardened criminals escaped."

"What do you do when a bird shits on your windshield? Don't take her on a second date."

"Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively"

"Today is awesome. I got pulled over by a cop on a bike. He even asked if I knew why he was ""pulling me over"" You need a ride! Duh"

"Have you heard about the ATM that got addicted to money? I heard it suffered from withdrawls."

"What if the last episode of ""House"" reveals it's all been the dream of a kid with lupus?"

"I met a Japanese mathematician yesterday Japanese Mathematician: ""Acknowledge my presence, zero"" Me: ""Can you elaborate in mathematical terms?"" Japanese Mathematician: ""Notice me sin(pi)"""