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Joke of the Day
"Why doesn't Santa give gifts to naughty kids? Because it'd Krampus style."
Next Joke
"There's a steering wheel in my pants It's driving me nuts"
"I almost died today, so naturally my first impulse was to pull my phone out and tweet about it."
"[me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautee pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO"
"Half the time, I don't know if I'm in /r/jokes or /r/shower thoughts."
"What's worse than a bee sting? The Holocaust. What's worse than two bee stings? Still the Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings. good'ole anti-humor haha"
"This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money..."
"What did the watermelon say to the honeydew? ""I'm sorry baby, we just cantaloupe."""
"I now have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."
"You can't spell Meek Mill.. ..without two consecutive L's."