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Joke of the Day

"This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money..."

"I wish I could go like Saddam Hussein did. Hanging out with his people"

"He said we needed to talk so I screamed 'Who are you & what are you doing in my house?' Long story short, it was his house & his wife is mad"

"China has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch."

"Oh, I see you're an extrovert. Sorry, we can't be friends. I already have a friend who's an extrovert. One of you is enough."

"My dog took his raw food upstairs and ate it in my bed. How's your night going?"

"[lookin in bushes for our baby] me: where the hell can he be? dog: roof roof roof me: will you shut up [baby waves at the dog from the roof]"

"How did the vegetable farmer fix his flat tire on his truck? with asparagus..."

"Joke i heard between 2 airport janitors. A:""where are you going?"" B:""to the toilet, where else can one go in an airport?"" --- I would like to add that my emotional response was mixed."

"Always remember, that no matter how useless you think you are, you are still someone's reason to smile."