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Joke of the Day

"I know its slightly distasteful but, what's the best way to punish a blind kid? rearrange the furniture"

"Wife: Whatya doin? Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber? M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST?"

"I am always excited during your birthdays because... You're one year closer to being dead."

"Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself."

"Honey Boo Boo changes name to Sugar Scab."

"Did you watch the movie constipation? It never came out."

"What do you call a moving company owned by cows? A bunch of moooovers."

"'Winter Wonderland' is my favourite song about building a snowman that you will potentially have sex with later"

"Q: Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? A: Because she was a woman."

"""You're not like the other girls."" ""Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."""