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Joke of the Day

"Look, if crying doesn't solve the problem, then maybe I'm just not the person you should be asking."

"So, I was sitting on a train across from a beautiful Thai girl. And all I could think was ""Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner."" And then she did."

"What kind of dog is best at keeping secrets? hush puppies"

"There are four things that you can look at into infinity. A flowing water, blazing fire, a woman parking her car, and - in one case - the ceiling of the mausoleum."

"I'm so lazy, if I got kidnapped I'd just think, ""Well, this is where I live now."""

"I bought a time machine. I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore."

"Fortune Teller I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl named Penny - is that spooky or what?"

"Yo mama so fat... that when she has threesomes the dudes never meet."

"Why don't Syrian Refugees play baseball? because they don't know where home is"

"Why are men great cooks.... because with 1 sausage, a pair of nuts and some milk it can fill up a woman for nine months."