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Joke of the Day

"Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? To find a tight seal"

"Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::"

"What did the Jamaican priest call the guy who was arrested for sealing several tonnes of spices? A cinna-mon"

"Sometimes i flirt and i feel really akward. Idk if the people around me are gonna hate more for it. I have this rly weird feeling in my stomach and sometimes idk why. Oh wait not flirt. I ment fart"

"Why couldn't Batman go fishing? Because Robin ate the worms."

"What did the pirate day on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!"

"""Sit"" dog sits ""Down"" dog lays down on floor ""Play Dead"" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids"

"Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now."

"What if the aliens were from Uranus.."

"The only B word you should call a girl is Beautiful Bitches love to be called Beautiful"