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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas? Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc."

"""bowl of chips"" 9 out of 10 voices in my head are telling me that I am too fat. The last one is calmly preparing a bowl of chips."

"Waiter waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good sir he's frightened of them too."

"MOM ITS NOT A DOLLHOUSE IM PRETENDING TO BE A GIANTE THATS TERRORIZING A FAMILY GOSH *waits for mom to leave* and im makig them have tea"

"You didn't like it. I was going to tell you a joke about my time machine"

"If bad Russian puns were worth a Nikolai would be rich."

"I just filled up my gas tank and went to a movie and bought a large soda and popcorn, I spent roughly 7000 dollars."

"Don't believe anything a weatherman says until he takes off the jacket and rolls up the sleeves."

"[Staring deep into David Schwimmer's eyes] ""I'm afraid I only like you as a Friend"""

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym? I'll re-rack."