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Joke of the Day

"*caches football thrown from off screen* ""Are you having problems with slow interne*video starts buffering*"

"My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton... Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right"

"What do you call a hapoy frog? Hoppy"

"I just threw a rock at a guy who was getting Subway breakfast. He understood why."

"My love is like a candle... If you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down."

"I could tell you that sodium hydroxide is a liquid out of solution. But then that would be a lye."

"A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh. Alas, no pun in ten did."

"What do you call a one-legged asian woman? Irene"

"If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell"

"*Judge raises hammer* ""I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE"" -*defendant chuckles* ""I'm already alive you MORON!"""