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Joke of the Day

"If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile Would it be called Alien vs Predator? Edit:I honestly was unaware that this joke had been done before. Not a big robot chicken fan. My bad"

"Who called it the NHL instead of the Just Ice League"

"Why are female inmates bad at grammar? Because they have their period in the middle of their sentence."

"What do people in florida do when their car breaks down? Build a house next to it."

"Everyone knows you can tell a criminal is lying if his lips are moving, but how do you know when a cop is lying? His pen is moving."

"'They'll be searching for days!' I giggle as I leave 'sorry bout the damage notes' on random cars at the Costco"

"My dad says that if I don't stop typing so loudly, he's gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK"

"""If you can't beat them, join them,"" I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast."

"So i used to be terrible at asking for things in restaurants... I used to be too nervous to ask for condiments at restaurants... but one day i mustered the courage."

"Apologies to Rudyard Kipling but . . . If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs. . . . maybe you don't understand the gravity of the situation."