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Joke of the Day

"Everyone knows you can tell a criminal is lying if his lips are moving, but how do you know when a cop is lying? His pen is moving."

"What do you call someone with herpes, AIDS, syphilis and gonorrhea? An incurable romantic."

"What's a programmer's least favorite wind instrument? The OBOE."

"My dream car is shaq wearing heelys holding me up by my hips like simba"

"I got diarrhea while camping last weekend. Shit was in tents."

"I found three french fries inside my $1 McDouble. Dream big, kids. Anything is possible."

"Theres this one word I always stumble on when I try to remember it.... oh yeah, the word is forget."

"Girls, your friends lied when they said chopping your hair off looked cute. They are just happy that their man wont want to bang you"

"*Approaches a guy reading ""Catch Me If You Can""* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans."

"I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife."