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Joke of the Day

"Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property."

"Vampires aren't on FB because they can't take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror."

"I used to live in New Orleans till Katrina took everything I had. Sometimes I wish she'd stayed in Latvia."

"Why do all The Hunger Games fans can't even? The odds are ever in their favours."

"Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?"

"I became a proud dad today. He's four but he was a boring little shit for the first three years."

"Why did the little tugboat do what all of the other tugboats told him to do? Pier pressure"

"What's the difference between Pink and Purple ...your grip."

"Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair."

"I got burned by a piece of metal on my pants when I pulled them from the dryer. It was a hot button issue."