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Joke of the Day

"stewardess Stewardess: ""Would you like some headphones?"" Me: ""How did you know my name was phones?"""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""That's not funny."""

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the van ME: Oh no thanks I'm vegetarian KIDNAPPER: Oh okay sorry *drives away* {15min later} KIDNAPPER: Wait a minute, wtf"

"What's so good about being a CPU? Every time you are turned on, you're getting blown."

"- Michelle, we must break up... - Oh, I'll kill myself! - That's a nice bonus. Thank you!"

"A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why? everyone else was at work."

"I sometimes pretend to hate Nickelback more than I do so you will like me."

"What did ELO say once they found out their stripper was a hermaphrodite? You've got a strange vag-dick."

"Honesty is an important part of parenting. That being said, I'm going to tell my kids that McGruff the Crime Dog is a dog that loves crime."

"If a douchebag bungee jumps is it called a Bro-Yo?"