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Joke of the Day

"I bought 37 self-help books today... I just couldn't help myself."

"What do Jews love most about their mobile phones? They can charge them."

"Why is heaven a paradise for the common man? Because all the politicians are in hell."

"Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop"

"What do you call a girl who is bad at drawing? Tracey"

"Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside"

"I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know Y."

"My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more."

"Why do people who smoke weed take geology? Because they're STONERS!"

"I saw a midget insect having his first orgasm... It was a little beecoming."