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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I feel awkward cause I don't quite know what to do with all my limbs, but then I imagine if I was an octopus and I feel better."

"I hate it when.. I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark, My white friend in snow, My Chinese friend in sand, And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes."

"Sorry I reported your newborn's pic on FB but nudity is nudity"

"If I worked for Papa Johns as a delivery man I would break down every door with an axe as I say ""Here's Johnny!"" Guaranteed tips."

"Why is it impossible to run through a campground? You can only ran, because it's past tents."

"what do you do when your dishwasher stops working? slap her"

"When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, ""DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!"" People always clap when she wakes up."

"Why don't Asians get constipated? Because of their frequent bow movements."

"4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there's still poo Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby"

"I HATE stereo-types.. Samsung, Sony, Toshiba, doesn't matter. Can't stand 'em."