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Joke of the Day

"The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons... I asked if I had to quit cold turkey."

"Computer technology used to be a lot tougher. Back when I was a teenager, mice had balls."

"Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald's burgers! Hamburgler's Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect."

"How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her"

"Difference between a 14 year old girl and a Volvo? I don't have a Volvo BOUND AND GAGGED IN MY BASEMENT"

"Why should you never high-five a Roman? They might give you Hi-V back!"

"Laser hair removal? Uhhh, why would anyone with laser hair ever want to get it removed?"

"My mate lent me 5000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. Cunt stole my limelight."

"Harry Potter is a kind of ""whodunnit"" book series and you-know-whodunnit..."

"why did the lobster refuse to help anyone else? because he's shellfish"