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Joke of the Day

"My mate lent me 5000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. Cunt stole my limelight."

"Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom? While the crowd was doing the wave two blondes drowned."

"What do hillbillys do on Halloween? Pump Kin"

"I hate pillow talk when I sleep alone. It just gets me down."

"This is your brain- *holds out egg* This is your brain on drugs- *puts egg on ground, spins it while shining lazers on it*"

"Why is a train a bad person to go to the bar with? Because all he says is ""Chug Chug Chug"""

"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support, people are going to think we're nuts!"

"I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only ""disappointed"" in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there"

"<Put your title here> May be NSFW Isn't it crazy how there is a band called one direction, because that's what I named my asshole as a teen."

"Wha do you call when a whale gets circumcised? A huge disappointment. Edit: give me a T!"