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Joke of the Day

"Would you get your phone if you dropped it in a toilet? 1996: eww that's gross 2016: head first without thinking"

"[school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? ""Abolishing slavery."" And... ""Slaying vampires."" Very good."

"Hey person who wrote ""WASH ME"" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you."

"Dad, what's a Freudian slip? Well son, it's when you say one thing and mean your Mother...I mean another."

"I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say ""Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?"""

"Tony the Tiger knows that Chuck Norris is G-R-E-A-T!"

"Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage!"

"How many bad joke tellers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One."

"Why are black men afraid of chainsaw's? When you start them, they made the sound ""runnnniganiganiganiga"" Sorry for the racism, but had to share this."

"A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover."