100710

Joke of the Day

"[Bar] ""What'll you have"" Scotch ""You want it neat"" No thanks *bartender throws some crumbs and hair in my whisky* Thanks"

"[a girl favs my tweet] [goes to pharmacy] one condom please"

"What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll."

"A question from an agnostic dyslexic Is there Dog?"

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? You break his neck."

"Just misread a headline 'Trump wins big' as 'Trump bins wig'. I thought: 'about time too'."

"The only thing harder than diamonds a redneck at his family reunion"

"McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer."

"How do you climb a triangle? By scalene it"

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" lol wtf ""wait its back on again nvm"" ok lmao ""he just stole my nose"" im phoning the police"