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Joke of the Day

"Why don't cows hang out with camels? They're all a bunch of drama-dairies."

"What do you call a Mexican prostitute that doesn't charge? Frijole."

"Sometimes you just have to be straight up with people or they will expect you to bend over backwards."

"Apparently, ""he's an army officer"" isn't the correct response to ""who's your daddy""."

"If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that."

"Parole officer: Come in and take a seat [me, finishing a jail term for stealing chairs] *starts sweating*"

"CW: I like your scarf. Me: Thanks, it's a CVS receipt. I didn't know what else to do with it."

"Hello this is ur pilot speaking We almost began our descent but my copilot said ""turn down for what"" so looks like we r rerouting to Cancun"

"What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar"

"I wanted to see how fast I could drive my new car down Main Street. I managed to hit 60 before getting pulled over. Most of them survived with only minor injuries."