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Joke of the Day

"For a second I thought this cookie had raisins in it, but luckily they're just spider egg sacs."

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Jerkey"

"I get in this weird mood where I don't want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood Awake'"

"What do you call somebody who is allergic to wearing little alligators on their polo shirt? Lacoste intolerant."

"25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary... It means 75% are running around untreated."

"Me: Saw your bf today ""Where?"" M: What's the name of that gym next door to the gay bar? ""Golds?"" M: Yeah, in the gay bar next to Golds"

"Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers."

"Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department... ...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere."

"Whats 10 inches? What's 10 inches, has a big red head and makes my girlfriend cry when i put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage"

"The best part of the birthday notifier on Facebook is, I meet people that I didn't even know were on my friends list."