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Joke of the Day

"My review of your face: Good, quality face. Would look again"

"I hate it when people show up at MY house, knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm not wearing pants."

"A cannibal tried a bite of my kidney He said it was offal"

"Zac effrons move flopped. Because he was afraid of 138"

"I witnessed a murder today.. then I realized it was just a group of crows."

"Mom: Time to wake updog. Son: *groggily* What's updog? Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u? Dad (from hallway): OWNED"

"TIFU by not reading War and Peace. This wasn't today, this was ever. That book is way too long. I didn't read it. TL:DR Too Long. Didn't Read."

"Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers."

"There is a James Brown impersonator in South Korea. He's known as the Godfather of Seoul."

"What do you call a flesh light powered by your smartphone? iFap"