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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have snacks in your purse."

"I am sure I chose the right song for Richard's funeral Lonely Island - Dick in a Box"

"What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction"

"How do cats park their cars? They *purr*allel park"

"Tip for drowning your enemies: Paint pictures of people yawning on the bottom of their swimming pool."

"Found out the difference between onions and men. I don't cry when I'm chopping up men."

"Me: ""I'm thinking about running a marathon again"" Her: ""Wow, you have ran a marathon before?"" Me: ""No, but I have thought about it."""

"Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F? Because we're all a little obtuse."

"What has happened to common sense these days? Its become nothing but pocket change."

"Someone in South Korea accused North Korea of having assassination squads. That's a lie. On an unrelated note, I need that guy's address."