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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""I'm thinking about running a marathon again"" Her: ""Wow, you have ran a marathon before?"" Me: ""No, but I have thought about it."""

"Life is like a box of chocolates... Most of it sucks."

"What do cats read in the morning ? Mewspapers !"

"Her eyes were the color of paint"

"My favorite thing about being a parent is lying to my kid Me: The doctor cuts off our tails when we're born 8 y/o daughter: Wife: ZACK!"

"Why did the pet proctologist fear his first feline procedure? Because wether he succeeded or failed, he knew he'd end up with a cat-ass-trophy on his hands."

"How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? I am not sure, I haven't seen them try and I can't do it either."

"If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!"

"Why weren't there any famous gun slingers in the Canadian West? Because they all wore mittens."

"What do ISIS and cats have in common? They're both a bunch of pussies. Credit to Stephen Colbert."