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Joke of the Day

"here's my dating advice. Take your date to go-karts. everyone loves go-karts. I just solved your life. you're welcome"

"How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight? Delighted."

"ME: *falls into gorilla enclosure* GORILLA: [in sign language] I have a boyfriend."

"Did you hear about the Bourne identity movie? Matt Damon returns in ..........Still Bourne"

"My friend Billy... My friend Billy, Had an eight foot willy, dragged along the kitchen floor. His girl thought it was a snake, and whacked it with a rake and now it's only three foot four."

"Did you hear about the Egyptian boatman who refused to believe his craft was sinking? He was in denial"

"PASSWORD EVER, USERNAME GREATEST *username/password must each contain at least one numeric character* PASSWORD 9EVER, USERNAME GREATEST6"

"WOMEN Woo men."

"""Roses are grey, violets are grey, cars are grey, red is grey, all this shit is just grey""-guy failing a color blind test."

"I'm not a good cook. At Christmas my family got together and bought me a stove that flushes."