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Joke of the Day

"""Roses are grey, violets are grey, cars are grey, red is grey, all this shit is just grey""-guy failing a color blind test."

"What do you call a high-priced barber shop? A clip joint."

"TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once Whoops wrong sub"

"What do you call an eternity? 4 blondes in 4 cars at a 4 way stop"

"The good thing about having a lot of followers is that for every thousand there's about one who actually reads your tweets."

"I got pretty cool moves while dancing... But they say, so do people with parkinsons."

"What's a snake's favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !"

"Soldier Smith! I did not see you at camouflage training yesterday! -Sir, Thank you very much, Sir!"

"I just saw a video of a snake that learned to open doors. I probably don't need to sleep anymore anyway."

"no homo but imagine sleeping with a grizzly bear and being the little spoon..shit would be 100x better than a snuggie"