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Joke of the Day

"I swallowed two strings by accident, and when I finally passed them they were miraculously tied together I shit you knot"

"What is blue and lies by the seabed? Probably not a planned child."

"[reading online survey] Are you ready to double your satisfaction? My god this sounds wildly inappropriate. *clicks yes*"

"If you set fire to LMFAO they'll become ROTFLMAO."

"How much money do porn stars make? A fuckload."

"Q: What is the best way to speak to a ghoul? A: From a long ways away."

"My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem."

"My friend got hit with a soda can Don't worry, it was a *soft* drink! "

"No sane person argues with their GPS as much as I do."

"What do you call the study of butts? Analysis."