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Joke of the Day

"What is Bill Clintons favorite instrument to play? His Whore-Monica"

"The closest I have ever come to being involved in a threesome was when having sex with a ventriloquist. I was stoned and VERY confused."

"I forgot the joke about the Jonestown Massacre. All I remember is that the punchline killed"

"""Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."""

"In a perfect world you'd be able to mark people as spam in real life."

"'William I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door' said mum. 'yes but they're twins so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'"

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"

"How does a skeleton call her friends? On a telebone."

"What's the coldest type of reptile? Blizzards."

"Why is the last chapter in a chemistry textbook about benzene? Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D I came up with this myself. I'm so proud."