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Joke of the Day

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"

"Picking which colour pen to use.... Its always a bic decision"

"What I was supposed to teach my kid before kindergarten: 1) phonics 2) writing 3) math What I actually taught her: 1) the dance to Thriller"

"What do you call an apple filled with cement? Hardcore."

"did you hear about the kid who read a book about anti gravity? He just couldn't **put it down!**"

"The Seattle Seahawks play calling."

"""ONLY 90s KIDS WILL GET THIS"" I say loudly as I gesture towards my crotch"

"What do you call a Black Fisherman? Jailbait."

"The soldier survived pepper spray and mustard gas He is now a seasoned veteran."

"What do zombie vegans eat? ... Grains!!!"