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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a whistle and a rape whistle? one is a cockblocker"

"I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static."

"What do you call an elderly nun riding a scooter? Virgin Mobile."

"What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate."

"I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way."

"Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?"

"""That was supposed to be a compliment."" -Men"

"This election has been a bit like watching porn... The hype was fun but now it's over I'm disgusted by what I'm watching."

"Ever see a bottle of TUMS in the mirror? You'll run out of windex..."

"how can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit your wife's clothes. Yes, I know this isn't OC. Nothing on reddit is."