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Joke of the Day

"Deactivated my FB. Before the final ""submit"", they show you pictures of ""friends"" that says ""These people will miss you"". Best laugh ever."

"Marriage is like fruit Honeydew this, Honeydew that..."

"Never have unprotected sex with a cannibal. Or next thing you know, you'll have a baby in the oven."

"Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson? Adele. Some one set fire to the train"

"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"

"My birthday is coming up and I'm mostly just anxious about all the people on Facebook who are about to pretend to like me."

"I don't believe my friend's story about the time he fit a whole watermelon up his ass. It's just too much of a stretch."

"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? She gets a frog in her throat at 69! Wakka wakka wakka!"

"Husband - ""When I die, i'd like to die having sex."" Wife - ""At least we know it'll be quick"""

"Why girls live longer than boys???? SHOPPING"" never causes HEART ATTACKS, but,""PAYING the ""BILLS"" does"