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Joke of the Day

"Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Humiliate a rash. Flatter a migraine. Friendzone diarrhea. Date cramps. Bring anxiety home to meet the family."

"I've been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days. It's on its last legs now."

"Stop earbuds from tangling by putting them on then carefully stapling them to your body. Who's ready for music? Not you. You have tetanus"

"What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died? ...nothing."

"My buddy joined Christian Mingle... it's going pretty well, He got nailed three times in one night."

"Most guys think i look like an angel... because they don't see me."

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies! ^tee ^hee"

"What's the best part of dating a quadriplegic? Spinning her like a top when she rides you cowboy style."

"I was going to tell a joke about a vacuum But I realized it sucked."

"Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies? A: He's the stiff one."